Received a frantic call from my agent at noon today regarding a surprise audition at a Casting House in the DVP/Richmond vicinity. Now, since I haven’t had an acting gig in a few months, I agreed to go.

What a waste of &^#@(*#@% time.

My calltime was for 4:10pm. Hoping that I could cut that back a bit and get back to the grindstone ASAP, I left a bit earlier and actually found myself in the waiting room 15 minutes early. After signing in, I asked the receptionist for a rough estimate of how long it might be. She had absolutely no clue – often a bad sign.

So, I resigned myself to sit it out in the waiting room with the rest of the cattle (actors) for awhile, and the minutes proceeded to creep by. Finally I saw people ahead of me getting picked, but then started getting even more nervous about my potential of getting out ontime when I noticed the casting director being confused about who was next. This kept happening over and over again….he would ask for somebody, and 5 hands would jump in the air with statements like “Yo! I’ve been here an hour already”. AN HOUR??? Oh shit.

This one poor guy (hereafter known as Pissed Off Guy #1), who had been here before I did, specifically was frantic because he had another audition to go to. So, he mentioned this to the casting director, who promised him he would go next. Then he picked 3 people other than him to go next. Soon he was asking people who came 25 minutes after ME to go in first. I askeed about this politely, as I’m prompt to do. On the other hand, Pissed Off Guy #1 then did the obvious, he got pissed. He grabbed his jacket and bag, walked into the office and screamed at the receptionist about how they had not only screwed him out of one gig but two and stormed out.

I was the only one left for that audition spot, so I went in next. Sadly, it was now 5pm, and four people with times after mine had already been in and gone. I was not pleased, (read, Pissed Off Guy #2) but this is work – keep a straight face. I entered the room to met “Sammy”, the director. Simple enough audition, in my mind my comical timing could be put to good use. So, I did the audition thinking of how I’d direct it.

Director no like my style. He wanted flat and unemotional. Think Bill Murray in ‘Lost in Translation’, or Steven Wright in just about anything. Deadpan. So, I gave him what he wanted…but it didn’t feel natural.


Why do I keep getting all of these auditions for directors who get a hardon for deadpan work? It’s unnatural! I’m not deadpan even when I’m not acting!! My acting style could be compared to a combination of Jack Black, Jason Alexander and Woody Allen. Do any of these scream minimal???

{sigh} Now I’m staying a bit late at work to catch up on the time the casting house stole from me. I’m hungry, and tired, and cranky. I need to vent.


There, that feels better….